Do you know those ‘elephant’ jokes? You know, like, how many elephants can you fit into a Mini? Two in the front, two in the back! How do you know there are elephants in your house? There’s an empty Mini parked outside! How do you know there are elephants in your fridge? Footprints in the butter! Boom, boom! 😛
Which got me thinking the other day. How do you know when there are Danish kids in your house? A pile of shoes or boots at the front door!
Or… You can’t get into your garden for bikes, helmets and rucksacks!
My own two (half Danish/half Scottish) little ‘uns have had a tough day today. I’m off to give them a cuddle. And tell them a few (bad) jokes.
I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling completely shattered today, Friday. Not sure whether it’s the after effects of the kids being back-at-school. Or more likely the change in temperatures – it was positively wintry this morning as I biked down to the beach for my swim this morning, eek! Don’t tell my DDH (Dear Danish Husband) but I actually switched on the heating last night…
So here’s a little joke to get the weekend going!
An Italian, a Swede and a Dane were standing in a bar. Showing off.
The Italian said, “When I put my hands around my wife’s waist, my fingers are able to touch. And that isn’t because I have large hands. But because Italian women have such tiny waists!”
The Swede, not to be outdone, said, “When my wife sits on a bar stool, her feet touch the ground. And that isn’t because we have small barstools in Stockholm. But because Swedish women have such long legs!”
The Dane was a bit stumped. He thought for a moment and said, “When I leave for work in the morning, I pat my wife on the behind. And when I come home, her bottom is still wobbling. And that’s not because Danish women have big behinds. But because we Danes have such short working hours!”
Boom, boom! And hooray for the Danish work-life balance?!
Have a fabulous (short working) Friday and a wonderful weekend!
As you’ll have seen from my recent posts, my kids are on their summer break from school (six whole weeks, woop, woop!) and the weather in Denmark is fan-flippin-fantastic (upwards of 25 degrees and sunny most days). Which means that it’s time for me to clear off my blog desk and take a (well deserved) break! So you’ll just have to do without me for a couple of weeks… 😛
I leave you with a (terrible) joke that my DDDFIL (dearly departed Danish father-in-law) always told whenever there were radishes on the lunch table. And – as DDFIL loved radishes – that was extremely often! 🙂
What can the Danes do that the Swedes can’t do? Grow radishes in the national colours! [In case you didn’t get it…the red and white of Dannebrog, the Danish flag).]
Ha – the Danes and their fantastic sense of humour! If you have kids at
school in Denmark, then you’re bound to have heard the “Alle børnene”
jokes – a mix of dark humour and rhyming, which started back in the 1980s.
All the kids biked to school, apart from Fred – he was
Here’s the very first one I heard – a true classic…
Alle børnene kiggede ind i vaskemaskinen,
undtagen Knud – han kiggede ud!All the kids looked into the washing
machine, apart from Knud – he looked out!
Yep, they’re usually quite cruel…
Alle børn sad på fryseren, undtagen Bob – han
ville op!All the kids sat on the freezer, apart from Bob – he
Alle børnene hed Kasper, undtaget Jesper – han
hed Flemming!All the kids were called Kasper, apart from Jesper – his
name was Flemming!
Want to try making up your own ones? Here’s the formula. All the kids [did
something], apart from [name] – he/she [did something unexpected]! The name and
the unexpected thing should rhyme…
All the kids crossed the road, apart from Ann –
she was hit by a van!
All the kids drank Cola, apart from Kent – he drank
All the kids were poor, apart from Lisa – she used her Dad’s
All the kids looked nice, apart from Matt – he looked like a rat!
Did you hear about the current European meat
scandal? Now, that‘s no
But here’s one that came out of it…
Alle børnene spiste lasagne, undtagen Conny –
det var hendes pony!
All the kids ate lasagne, apart from Tony – it was
When we were walking to school last week, DD8 said she had a good joke for me. She started telling it and – lo and behold – it was one I told her last year (one my big brother told me). I’d forgotten all about it and it made me laugh out loud at the ungodly hour of 7.45am. No mean feat! The joke made it to the blog back on 23 August but I think that it’s worthy of a re-airing. Hope you think so too! 😛
* * * * *
A lady got on the number 185 bus with her baby and asked for a ticket to Nørreport (centre of Copenhagen).
“Certainly”, said the busdriver. “But, my word, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!”
The lady was shocked and didn’t know what to reply, so headed straight for the back of the bus and sat down next to a kindly-looking old man.
“Well, I’ve never been so insulted in all my life!”, she said. “That bus driver should be sacked!”
“That’s terrible!”, the old man replied. “I tell you what, why don’t you go and give him a piece of your mind while I hold your monkey?”